The legendary Bill Cosby once said, "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." As we say in the church sometimes, "Say on." Bill betta preach up in here. Mr. Cosby knows what he's talking about. His quote epitomizes the church. Listen yawl. You can't please church folk. They love you one minute, hate you the next. Elastic love. Plastic people. Sorry folks, that AIN'T Christianity. It's church-itis. There's no pleasing EVERYBODY in the church. They'll love you as long as you're doing what they expect you to do.
Stop pleasing THEM and watch the drama unfold. Best bet is for us to please God. For real.
However, don't think that pleasing Christ will happen without a price. Oh, you WILL pay, trust me on this one. My good friend, Veraunda Jackson's company says it all...EHAP, Inc ( Everything Has A Price ). And she's right. Everything DOES have a price. Especially when dealing with churchgoers. Do the right thing in honor of God and church folk will persecute you. I'm a living witness. Let me get a little personal with you, give you a real life scenario. This is gonna be a long one. BUCKLE UP.
Now, I'm a married man. A married PREACHER, no less. And recently a single female—a cute one, mind you and supposedly a Christian—asked me to give her a ride home. I didn't do it, for a couple of reasons. Let's go with the order of importance. 1) I have a deep respect and honor for God. The Word is clear...though I have the liberty to do some things as a Christian, I cannot allow my liberty to be evil spoken of (cf. Rom 14:16). Don't have time to expand this passage. Maybe some other time. Before I get to #2, what do I mean?
I'm a guy who looks at the worst case scenarios. Suppose I drove her home and we were sideswiped by a semi, leaving us both dead? What will the papers say? "Reverend Crudup and an unidentified female—not his wife Sandra of 12 years—were killed in a collision with a mack truck." Can your hear the buzz? The grapevine? The water cooler chatter?
Sound silly?
Not in my mind.
You know they like to make the preacher look bad. Suppose one of her boyfriend's homies spotted her getting out of my car? More drama. Let's not forget the church folk...you KNOW that story will have twists and plots come Sunday. And I REFUSE to give anyone an excuse for not being serious about Christ. At least that's my intent.
2) Sandra doesn't know her. I have a deep love and respect for my wife and my loyalty is only to her. I'm past those days of being selfish and doing what I want to do, acting crazy and not considering her feelings. Those days are over. And she did the same thing for me, not allowing a minister to ride with her to CHURCH. Now that's CHURCH, yawl, the house of God, where we are supposed to be. This girl needed a ride HOME. Meeting the need would have appeared innocent, but why couldn't I return the loyal courtesy to my WIFE? Yet...I'm getting blasted for my decision. PERSECUTED.
Here's what gets me. For all she knows, I could be a serial rapist. Yeah I preach, teach and share the Word of God. But how many other people do these things with shady character? So let me ask my SPIRITUAL SISTERS in the LORD a question. So, I have enough character for her to ask me for a ride, but my character is then suspect when I make the decision to say no? Isn't that a contradiction? If I'm a good enough Christian to bum a ride with—not a serial rapist, murderer or sadomasochist—then shouldn't I be a good enough Christian to make a Godly decision? In this case...NO. So why the hostility towards me now? Was I only a friend for what I do or was I a friend for who I am? Hmmm. Got me wondering. My SPIRITUAL SISTERS...whaddya think?
But that ain't the only thing that gets me, though. Another Christian girl got hot with me concerning this scenario....like it's any of her business. She even stepped to me about it. Just a question. Does this epitomize nosy churchgoers? Not making any accusation, just asking a question. Now, I won't mention names, because I still have the utmost respect for her and the other girl too, even though they're both criticizing me about it. Won't even speak to me. But my respect for other people has nothing to do with how they treat me. I respect and honor people because God commanded me to do it ( cf. 1 Peter 2:17). It's the right thing to do. But thank God for growth. Because had she stepped to me like that when I was in the Navy, I would not have been this respectful. I would've given her the business....SAILOR STYLE! And those in the fleet KNOW what I'm talking about. That's how we roll.
Church folk can be dangerous, yawl.
I still don't get it though. Women pack out the Oprah Show, many of them barking that there are no good men. But when a man steps up to honor his wife by telling another woman...NO, they still complain about what he didn't do. For them, of course. As if I'm not carrying out my Christian duties...Come on, give me a break.
Wanna hear from my SPIRITUAL SISTERS on this. Brothers can chime in too. Need your feedback. Regardless of what the feedback is however, I ain't sorry for stepping up for Sandra. Don't care who gets mad about that.
Love yawl
Stay tuned and stay prayerful
Your brother,
Sid
ok here is what I think about it, being that you are the man of God that I know you to be I can't speak for her because i son't know her, I would have given her a ride home. Yes God forbid if a accident would have occured, whatever other people would have said your wife being secured in her marriage would have known that you were only doing what any Christian man would have done, which was something innocent. Now it is different if you already had thoughts about this women, because yes some women can be very sneaky. But on the other hand she could of turned to you because of your integrity and she trusted you and she knew that you wouldn't try anything. No matter what you do people are always going to talk anyway and try to tear you down so whether you do right they will talk, when you do wrong they will talk. So I would rather please God and just let the people talk. Now this is only my opinion this is how I feel about it, but if you feel that you did the right thing then thats fine.
ReplyDeleteMy brother, speaking as a single sister, I must admit I think you did the right thing. Now had Sandra been with you, and she asked for a ride from the two of you...saying yes would have made sense. Why? Because it would have shown respect for your union. Secondly, some gossipy person who would have seen it could turn the story in a bad way when relaying it to your wife, in an attempt to plant the seeds of distrust. Finally, though motives may have been innocent and justified, perhaps she should have just asked for a ride from another sister.
ReplyDeleteYou did the right thing...I would have been looking for a sista at the church to take me home...because of that same conviction in your scripture reference ... I am trying to avoid any appearance of evil...sometimes you have to say no, help with other arrangements and keep it moving...stay on purpose!
ReplyDeleteT in Orlando.
Hey Pastor Sid its Dawn. Well this is not an ez 1, it is. Being the Christian woman I am 2day from my point of vew she shud have asked someone else especially if ur wife doesn't know her. Unless she was stranded n absolutely had no other way. N dats whn u call ur wife n say honey so n so is stranded n umma give her aride home. Or umma wait here wit her n call some1 2 take her home cuz she stranded. I mean am I my brothers keeper? Yes I am. So we can't b so Heavenly bound dat we ain't no eartly good. U feel me? On da other hand bein da "Christian Woman" I was b4 sometimes our motives r not pure so absolutely u say no I don't feel comfortable takin u anywhere no disrespect but I will make sure some 1 duz. Cut it off rite der no discussion but respectful. Just keepin it real my brotha. But don't git all bent outta shape u got da rite 2 say yea or nea shoot dey gonna talk anyway. U stick 2 what u feel is rite. The Holy Spirit will always tell u what is rite. Keep ur head up. Tell ur B.U.T. ful wife I said heeeeey. N throw a few prayers up 2 our Father 4 me no fun bein single:) but I still have maaaad Joy. God Bless Ya,ll
ReplyDeleteMy husband has a great sense of humor and loves to have fun with people and a lot of them are ladies. Just a shout out @ Anonymous #1. Sandra is verrrrrrrry secure in her marriage. I know my man! Listen, you got to know who you are, but most importantly know who you are in Christ Jesus. Nevertheless, I'm not crazy and realize that I may have haters, naysayers, people that love to plot (oh, yeah alot of them are church folk). We know of some sisters' in a church that have discussed how they wanted to get with some of the brothers. They knew the brothers' were married and their stand, but ........yeah! My husband mentioned this in his first couple of blogs entitled, "The Cunning Approach". You see, the devil comes as a roaring lion seeking whom he can devour. He has no respect of person.
ReplyDeleteAs stated in this blog, I was in a similar situation and people (the church folk) tried to make me feel bad because I would not give this man a ride in my car. I told him that I would tell some of the brothers when I arrived @ the church, now you would think, ...... OK I won’t go there. Needless to say, I was persecuted and heard comments like, this man only wanted a ride to church. Let me tell you, this man was married and he didn't say my wife and I wanted a ride to church. Listen, it's not happening with me, I don't care who it is. Your Christian duties are being questioned because you honor God and your mate. What did the Lord say? Like Anonymous #3 said, the bible tells us to avoid the appearance of evil. @ Anonymous #1, I agree you can't stop people from talking, but you certainly don't have to furnish the paint, right?
I know that I have a man of character and one who loves God first and foremost important. God has us glued together because of our love & devotion to him. Listen friends, Sidney is no phony, you have the real deal. He is the same 24/7. A brother who’s not afraid go there with delicate topics!! He makes it easy for me to encourage him, support him, and treat him like the ROYAL KING he is - that's right!
Although, this was a Buckle Up post for sure Babe, it's going to encourage someone out there with a similar situation! I LOVE YOU and keep letting the Lord use you.
Thanks for your post everyone. Keep them coming and please share this blog with your friends! Hi Dawn, good hearing from you.
Sandra
Well I am delighted that you have this blog Brother Sid, it gives me a chance to unleash if I can say that. O. K. i've got to began with a scripture. St. John 15:20 Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted Me, they will also persecute you;...ect
ReplyDeleteWe are not exempt but anywho, as speaking from a married womans point of view. I feel that you did what you felt best to do so to me it was the right thing. You will never ever do anything to please everybody, so as long as you feel good about what you have done who cares what other people think or say. You must first please God and remember to respect your RIB all the time.
Brother Sid, Do you believe that all persecution lead to growth in the Lord.Just another round for growth my brother. I know people will give there two cents worth but whatever you felt was the best and right thing to do for you and your wife that you should do. Feel good about it even if the sis ter who you did not give the ride to is upset and her friend also. Its God you and your wife always. May be repetitious but if we keep saying it maybe some church folk will finally get it (NOT) LOL
It's nobody's business but yours and Sandra Gurlllllllllllllll alright.
I love the way you always consider your wife in everything you do, because first and foremost my son you are MARRIED and the single female needs to remember that.
I'm reminded of a poem I keep on the board in my office amongst other things; Titled "Myself"
by Edgar A. Guest
I have to live with myself and so, I want to be fit for myself to know, I want to be able as days go by, To look myself straight in the eye. I don't want to stand with the setting sun, and hate myself for the things I've done. I cannot hide myself from me; I can see what others can never see; I know what others can never know, I cannot fool myself, and so, Whatever happens, i want to be Self-respecting and conscience free.
REMEMBER!!!!!!!! It's God, You, and Sandra Gurllllllll And so Peace Out my Brother. Till next time. Keep writing, I'm waiting
Anonymous 1, I can appreciate your comments and my integrity may have taken a hit for that. Wasn't meant to harm in any way. And my wife is very secure...I do my hardest to make sure she feels it. And no...the woman isn't sneaky. She's a nice girl...just a bad set of circumstances.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 2...the Lord's honor, my wife's integrity and my testimony is the ONLY reason(s).
T from Orlando....trying to stay on point at the church...I feel you.
Wife...will continue to do the best I can. Not perfect, but I'm trying.
Hey Dawn...you hit it, sister. And I'm with you. NO WAY I would leave anyone in a dangerous situation, male or female. And yes, I am my brother's keeper, sister's too. So, definitely would make sure she was safe before moving on. And as I told Anonymous 1, she is a very nice girl, so I have no animosity towards her or my other sister. Love em both in the LORD. Trying my hardest to be the man God wants me to be. Do I always get it right? No! Always screwing up. It's the flesh. Still have a lot of growing up to do and a brother is working on it.
Household...can always depend on your encouragement. Still growing.
Appreciate you all. Love you.
Rev. Sidney,
ReplyDeleteYour stance and position of integrity is not one that is walked out and seen often. Although we hear of it from the pulpit or during bible study, rarely does one actually see the stance. I think the young ladies reaction was possibly that of rejection b/c they obviously do not know the Word or they are not used to having it carried out in this way. Prayerfully this situation will be filed away in their minds and the Lord will one day use it, as all things work together for good. Thus it was a seed planted. In time, they will be able to say like Alicia Keys, it was a lesson learned. Thanks for being a man of integrity, doing right not only when someone,ur wife, the pastor, etc. is watching, but when they are not. God's abundance to you and Sandra.
Agape!
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am still a work in progress and I have a long way to go. But my prayer is that God will one day bless me with Psalm 37:6. Decisions are always tough and that would even include writing this blog. But I'm praying for vindication and even for God's richest blessings on those my sisters. Much love.
ReplyDeletethank you again
Ok I have a question if you were the Pastor of a church and one of your members wanted to speak to you after church because of a problem that she was having, and yes she is a female how would you handle that?
ReplyDeleteThat is an EXCELLENT question. I appreciate your inquiry. I'm not a pastor, but I will do my best to clear some things up for you. Hope that is okay.
ReplyDeleteWell, one of my favorite preachers who kept away from scandal was Billy Graham. One of the reasons he stayed out of trouble was because of his discernment and his caution. First, if she needed to counsel with me, it would need to be in a place where there could be no misconceptions, like an office with doors and blinds open. That is one option. But I would take it further. Dr. Graham always had a ministry leader or leaders present during counseling, according to the Scriptures. In the mouth of 2 or 3 witnesses, every word is established. (i.e. that's a bit out of context, but I believe it effectively applies). Thirdly, I would have strong female leadership in place, trained in the Scriptures and in pastoral counseling, to help her with whatever she stands in need of. If this female insisted on meeting alone, I'd have to question the motive.
But as a pastor, I would DEFINITELY have counselors in place so that she'd be comfortable in confiding, knowing that her information is kept in the strictest confidence. Can't have renegades in ministry. A pastor is a shepherd, so the shepherd must do what's best for the sheep.
Hope that helps a little. Like I said, I'm not a pastor, so I might need additional help on that. Glad you asked. It reminds me of a book I need to get by Pastor John MacArthur on Biblical Counseling.
Thanks again for the question. It really helped me.
Sid, I think that you did the right thing. I used to overlook the Bible verse about not letting your good be spoken evil of and, although I didn't do anything wrong (except overlook one of God's commandments), I paid dearly for it a time or two. You did the right thing. Some people will never realize that but we have to leave it up to them and God.
ReplyDeleteJacob, thank you my friend. Your encouragement truly helps me. Need it. Thanks again.
ReplyDeleteThe reason that I had asked that question about a female needing to speak to you what would you do is because I have had to have counseling with my Pastor for different reasons 1 because I have married into a blended family. But anyway sometimes the counseling would be just him and I and then sometimes it would be my husband him and I. But then one day it was the Pastor, my husband, me and his wife, that was the worst. 1 of the reasons for that was, I was very comfortable with my Pastor as a sheep would be to their shepherd. But I wasn't close to the wife so it really put me in a awkward position. It really makes a big difference when the wife of the Pastor makes herself available to have a relationship with the congregation, especially the female so if and whenever the time comes that they will need to talk the person can really recieve it. Be Blessed
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting again. Some pastors have different styles of counseling. I believe character speaks for itself, and it sounds like your pastor is a man of character and integrity. So, perhaps his style works for him.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the pastor's wife...she really is in a difficult position, and I say that on behalf of all pastors' wives. There's so much she has to deal with. She has to compete with his study time....and any pastor who is serious about ministry spends numerous hours in study. Shares him with members who are in need...and God forbid he's the pastor of a large flock. And if he's a man of vision, he is more than likely involved in project building...so, now she must share him with secular sources. It's really tough on her. I sincerely admire them.
I see it firsthand. My father-in-law is a pastor and my mother-in-law rolls with it like a champion. The church adores her. Alongside my own parents, my in-laws are my inspiration for ministry.
You keep persevering, my sister. God has something special for you. I'm excited for you.
You be blessed, too.
OH boy are you ready for my comment! I could not read all of your comments so I do apologize but my thing is NO ONE else was around? She had no cell phone to call no one for a ride? WHY she ask you?!You did the right thing and not because of what other people say but YOU HAVE NO business giving no CHICK a ride home and a cute one at that! I'm a keep it PG cause this is a christian blog! LOL! and Sidney you know how I do! AND DID she ask was it ok if YOUR WIFE WOULD be ok if you took her home! UGH don't get me started!
ReplyDeleteMy Brother Sid,
ReplyDeleteI do understand about the wife of the Pastor having to compete with her husband study time. This comment is not in defense of a Pastor's wife it is just a comment. Well do you think that when a preacher is called to Pastor a church that his wife should be his helper in his ministry? The ministry is a partnership in every aspect home/ and church. I don't blame the young lady for not wanting the Pastor's wife to be present if she has not in any way shown herself friendly or even any concern for the congregation especially the females. Not a real good feeling I suppose. You did do a good job of letting her know what to expect. And her Pastor does seem like he is a man of character. I have met some great Pastor's wives in my life. And that is all I'm going to say.
Good job My brother Sid.
Till next time.
Take care, I'm waiting
@ CeeCee....yeah, I KNOW how you are (LOL) and I wouldn't have my sis any other way. Know I love you baby girl. Sid might have been last resort, and she didn't mean anything by it, but it would not have looked good. And considering my history...you KNOW yo, brother...rumors would have been flying about ME, not necessarily her. So, you're right...not a good idea to have a cute chick in my ride. Won't even get you started on the WIFE thing. Just want the world to know that Sandra is all she wrote....and radio stations WILL hear about Sandra and I sometime first part of the year....that's on the hush. Can't tell it all just yet.
ReplyDelete@ Household...yeah, ministry is a partnership effort and the Pastor's wife definitely has her work cut out for her. She SHOULD be just as spiritual. Some of them are great, others....ehhh, not so good. So, I understand why she would have felt uncomfortable too. Thanks for the encouragement....always.